With an Open Heart: on Boundaries and People who Disappear

Human relationships are complex. Lately, I’ve been seeing more and more teenagers and adults in my clinic who describe a sense of "social fatigue" - a kind of emotional exhaustion that stems from unbalanced connections.

Why is it so hard?

Because every relationship includes at least two people - and what seems simple often turns out to be deeply complicated.

Even when it’s not romantic, a relationship is based on interpersonal attraction - a desire of one person to get closer to another. Often, even without love, there’s an element of emotional intimacy.

We are drawn to people who reward us - with beauty, kindness, or empathic presence. This is known as the "halo effect," and it’s always shaped by social and cultural context.

Some people are especially drawn to those with an open heart - those who truly listen, who are present even when things are hard, who give without keeping score.

And yet, sometimes, just when a bond starts to form, something shifts.

Words have been shared, emotions expressed, a closeness established - and then the other person withdraws. Sometimes they even disappear.

As I wrote - a relationship is an equation with two sides.

Still, many of us take this withdrawal personally:

Did I do something wrong?

Was the connection one-sided?

So before you blame yourself - try to look at the situation from a bird’s-eye view:

What in the dynamic might have triggered their distancing?

Could it be that the closeness evoked fear or emotional overwhelm?

Might this person be going through a period where emotional connection feels too threatening?

And for me? Self-compassion.

Not closing off. Not giving up on connection.

But learning to set boundaries - gently, lovingly, especially toward myself.

A few principles I teach:

🔹 Balance from the beginning

🔹 Listening to the body

🔹 Saying "not now" - without guilt

🔹 Setting boundaries early and kindly

A healthy boundary doesn’t push people away - it protects.

You can remain generous and still say:

"I’d love to talk, but today I need to recharge. Can we talk tomorrow?"

🔹 Not every openness means a deep connection

Some people will open up - but aren’t truly available for sustained relationships.

Just because someone seems sincere doesn’t mean they belong in your heart.

And sometimes - the most joyful moments come when we let things flow, without expectations. Simply enjoying the here and now.

If you see yourself in these words -

You’re not alone.

You’re warmly invited to share, comment, or simply take a deep breath.

Dr. Efrat Tzadik

CBT and Trauma Therapist