Those who know better...

"But there are those who take

a monopoly on wisdom

They know better than me

They know better than you

What’s good for me, what’s good for you"

(Uzi Hitman)

In life, we often find ourselves at crossroads — wondering, asking, seeking advice or direction.

But sometimes, we don’t ask — and still, there are people who think they know better. They’re sure this is the right way, maybe the only way. Usually, it comes from a good place — a desire to help, to share from their knowledge, experience, or insights.

A few days ago, I spoke with a mother of a teenage girl who’s having trouble adjusting to a new environment. The mother told me:

"I tell her what to do, but she won’t listen. She just says to me, ‘I’m not you.’"

We paused for a moment to unpack that.

And the truth is — the girl is right.

You are not your daughter.

As much as you want to love, protect, help, or prevent her from getting hurt — you are not her.

The advice you give comes from your own life, your past experiences, your fears, your values. It may not suit someone else — not even your child.

So how can we communicate with teens?

Ask how they’re doing.

Show interest in their decisions, desires, and the path they want to take.

Avoid offering unsolicited advice — unless you’re asked directly.

Share your own life stories. Let them learn about openness through your example.

The goal is to create a safe space for conversation. A space where even if they "fall" — they fall into a net that is soft, loving, and supportive.

Ask yourself:

What are the beliefs guiding me as a parent or caring adult?

What do I want for my child — and why?

Is this coming from fear, from hope, from a particular life model?

And what about when I am facing a decision and want to quiet the background noise?

Sharing helps — but it’s just as important to be internally aligned with your choice.

The more solid your "yes" is — the harder it will be to shake it with a "no".

Then you can say, clearly and assertively:

“I’ve made my decision — and I stand by it.”

I’d love to hear your thoughts — what’s worked for you (and what hasn’t)?

I will be happy to be there for you if needed,

Dr. Efrat Tzadik

CBT Therapist, Trauma, Coach