Am I here because of him, for him or for us?
In forthcoming posts I will write about different aspects of a relationship between spouses in relocation.
One of the most challenging issues in relocation is the relationship between spouses. Studies show that when the spouse is not happy, either they return to the country of origin together, as a family, or they separate.
In order to relocate, the relationship between spouses should be strong, inclusive, close and meaningful. If this is not the case, it is important to consider it and to talk about painful issues so that the relocation will be successful.
The small family unit becomes very significant from the moment of the decision. Relocation can be considered as a test for the couple. At the very beginning, conversations should take place, whether on small technical aspects: this or that moving company, or on more fundamental aspects: place of residence, schools, etc. Concerns and fears arise, the pressure grows and so does the need for a listening ear, for someone who will understand you. One wants to have a feeling that this project is shared by both of you. This is your project.
Upon arriving at the new location, one is swept away into the domestic sphere: child care, shopping, cooking, cleaning the house and more. The spouse at work. He/she arrives only in the evening Actually, this is the reason we came, isn't it? So how can I complain? But wait, "I didn't do anything (so to speak) all day"... I had no one to talk to... I took care of the children and what comes along, their frustrations, concerns, fears. I cried all day because one of the kids didn't want to go to school, and more and more...
The partner has arrived and a monologue begins, a volcano erupts...
The mental burden on both spouses is enormous, each one from another place. In order not to "unload" everything without restraint, I would suggest writing to yourself. Writing is liberating and thus there is no need to "pour" everything on the first person you see. Take time to do something else between the moment he/she arrives home and the conversation between you. For example, go for a short walk. Meditate if you like. Create a space between all the thoughts from the day and the conversation itself. And when talking, present things calmly.
If you have any additional advice that could help, we'd love to hear it.
Dr. Efrat Tzadik
Personal Development Coach