Yes, all those reasons that I raise here can be found in your homeland, but relocation creates stronger links between members of the family.
I know that sometimes being very close to your family can give a feeling of suffocation, but I want to focus on the good things that "together - alone" does.
Living far away from the extended family allows us to get closer to our nuclear family. We get closer to our family cell because we want to make sure everyone is good and happy and fits into the new place, we learn about each member of the family, about their needs and wishes.
The age difference between my children is relatively small but I wanted to raise them myself, despite all the difficulties I faced as I worked and studied (doctorate, languages, courses). It is not simple when living far away and there was no help with two babies 23 months apart ... but that was my decision. I found creative solutions: for example, when I enrolled them in afterschool activities the two older children were in the same activity and with the younger one I found time to drink coffee / hot chocolate at a nearby cafe. It became our quality time. Time we talked and shared even though she was very little.
My daughter quickly understood shopping (at the age of three she told me to take the Visa card from daddy…) and we moved from coffee to shopping. I found myself shopping with her and even manage to get as excited as her: "Mom it can be beautiful for you, try it" ...
The children were always with us which created a strong bond between us and among themselves. When the two big ones were very small they had their own language. I remember one morning I arrived at their school and they were talking to each other. One of the kindergarten teachers asked me "What language do they speak?". This connection continued into adulthood.
In Belgium, parents (caregivers or grandparents) drive the children to and from school. I transformed these trips into conversation time (well, until they became teenagers and then it became a monologue...of mine). I always asked how it was at school, what they did and with whom they played. Take a very good look at them and feel what they went through. Their faces spoke to me even if they said nothing. I learned to know my children.
The family connection allowed us to create new customs like celebrating holidays or Saturdays with friends, joint trips, joint dinners where we exchange experiences. Various ceremonies like going out to a restaurant on birthdays, at the end of the exam period and many others.
Share with me, how do you express your connection?
Dr. Efrat Tzadik - Personal development coach
Find home away from home
